Good evening everybody.

Are we feeling ‘just’ as disgruntled as yours truly at this precise moment?

Or perhaps, once again, completely short-changed and deflated, as the current gates at the Boleyn would suggest?

Or alternatively, so funked off with the ‘firewall’ that encompasses our beloved Hammers? Where we – none of us – have no notion of what ‘on Earth’ is transpiring within its opaque and clandestine buttress, (Forged by B.Gudmundsson and the rest of the Icelan-dic fleet/cabal; indubitably augmented by Messrs Brown and Joorbachim),or indeed the conflagration that may follow?

Well, it’s currently 10.30 p.m as I scribble a few lines to you, and as per usual with the good Ol’ Hammers – NUFFINGS F’INGWELL DOIN, MATE !

Except that is; Sheffield’s legal case is still sizzling away on the back-burner, soon to rear its ugly head no doubt. Had we all forgotten about that in the oblivion that has become the ermmmmmmm ‘excitement’….? of the transfer deadline.

We have just sold our, in my opinion very good, only legitimate left-back, who will not be replaced at this late stage.

The question is why……….. ?

Why would our unscrupulous covern of spindly-fingered little goblin ‘FUCKS’ ! – please excuse me – be doing this to us yet again?

Mmmmmmmmm ? Any Ideas ?

Any suggestions would be welcome at this moment in time, or shall I proceed.

Ok, you forced my arm .

Now, the truth is, I haven’t a funking scooby either, yet there are some salient questions to be asked and indeed answered on the subject at hand.

You see, when I observe ‘every’ single other club, (excluding Rich-Manc, who let’s face it, are in a similar situation as JayKay being bought a new Ferrari – I.e ‘no, cheers mate, but I’ve got that marque already, in every spectrum of the rainbow including one with a pink furry steering wheel and funking matching upholstery) – draws a breath – having completed a raft of signings, including Hull, Fulham, Baggies – I digress with a sigh – then what the bugger are Gudmundson’s rapers and pillagers up to this time . Hmmmmmm…..what indeed ?

Well, permit me to speculate. stokes his chin, reclines and has a contempaltive moment.

This following really is conjecture I assure you, but please read on

Ok…….currently we have sold, and sold, and sold
- please excuse me again – where our only incoming signature was that of a Mr Swiss Byriani (It has added cheese n chocolate apparently) at £5 million, and latsvuka on a free – WHICH DOESN’T COUNT!!! he bellowed with such ferocity, that the ground shuddered beneath him, and every window and mirror in the street smithereened into slithers of silicon powder
Yep I’m just ever so slightly angry – That’ll teach me to turn the Dark Side.

But hold on to yer boxers for just a second me ‘Ammers. According to one of me esteemed colleagues/OLAS scribblers, allegedly, and following along nicely with the official site’s customary and endless prevaracations (Well, nothing new there), Mr Behrami only really cost us ONE, yes ‘ONE’ Million, which I suppose accounts for the pseudo-undisclosed fee, cursorily ensued by a statement of the aforementioned inflated sum. Talk about ‘Pants On fire’ ! I ask yer !

I think they must have observed and garnered the strategem of ‘absolute, out and out, lying until you start believing yer own bullshit’ tactics of the incumbent government, don’t you?

I mean, we’ve been force fed such an innordinate amount of the stuff – from all quarters including the board – that I’m sitting here, actually not knowing for sure that I’m really sitting here (sniggers), and where I’m certain they are going to knock on my door and demand my over-burdened/fed liver for a a tastey frois-gras to accomany a glass of their finest Chianti.
No, I’m not going to even attempt the Hannibal Lecter thing, don’t even if you ask me, I’m far too pissed at the moment. and I haven’t even so much as sniffed a drop of the good stuff, although you might think differently.

Ok, I’m rambling again , I’ll come precipitately back to the subject matter.

So, Behrami was a mil – and nothing else doing. Mmmmmmmm……he mulled gutturally.

Ok, let’s add it up shall we ? Let’s tot up this colossal conundrum and ‘Av a ponder’, he said iromnically.

Ok, takes a breath.

Apporximately 33 mil for last season’s tenth + 6 – 7 mil depending on who you listen to for Z-man and Pants, then 8 mil for Anton, now 5 mil for Heather, and perhaps, no funk it I can’t even go there, 18 for Ashton (Hastily flagelates himself with a bladed flail) fuck sake and whoever else ?

That – without Deano – and forgetting ‘Camp Freddy’ (money greabbing little fuckwit) is a staggering grand total of 52 funking million, in the black !!!!! ‘Excluding’ Deano !!!!! Flagelates himself again.

So, Why this now? Against each and every ‘Ammers fan wishes, Curbs statements – laughable, yet overruled – and just about anyone else who actually does give a monkey’s about the ‘Ammers?

Well, here goes then:

Two theories, ummmm…..no, three, but seeing as the third holds some relationship with the transfer window, I somehow doubt it.

1. We ‘should’ have heard by now the outcome of the Blunt’s case ! Absolutely no doubt about it, the adjudication booard sat months ago; a final descision, although delayed ( Why ?) was definitely to be concluded late August. Well, this is funking late enough for me fellers – Time to fess up ! Spill the beans !

So, with this in mind, is this ‘swilling excess’ of blood money indeed a pay-off for those utter toss-rags?
I cannot even conceive of that either ! (Immediatley hurls all of his razor blades out of the window for fear of futher self mutilation) 40 mil. no funking way !

2. Or a simple case of asset stripping (Good possibility here – Mr G doesn;t give a rat’s about football, strictly business), which let’s be honest has happened before, and will likely happen again ! Well, If yer club’s called West Ham United F.C !!!
Resulting in Gudmundson abrogating his losses,walking away, handing over the keys to Kia and Brown, who holding hands with glee, sight yet another opportunity to funking rip us completely the funk off !

3. They actually do have a new manager on the sidelines, and don’t want Curbs to spend a single penny – Very Unlikely now the window is nearly closed.

4. Well, I did say three, but can you think of a fourth ? Any other reason for this palpable disparity between us and the likes of Fulham, WBA, Stoke – Yes, Stoke ! – and just about every other club in the entire league ! I’m dumbfounded. Guess we’ll find out soon in the papers.

Comon – I’d like your views on a fourth concept.

Be brave, or a complete loonatic like me for a change.

God Bless You All

The Olas poet Loriet

D.J.E

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Oi – ‘Ammers !

To follow on – keep yer eyes peeled. According to KUMB, alwyas a good source for The Claret n Blue fodder, the board are to make an announcement at midnight !!!!!

Sounds funking ominous doesn’t it.

Probably just another season ticket hike, I shoudln’t worry, he said tremulously.

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Kumb states they are aware somehow that.. “West Ham United will make an announcement after midnight” I assume this equally means in the morning, as in – after sometime the transfer window closes at 12.

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yourcomments@westhamunited.co.uk- is the official place to post your comments on the club, its a link from the offical website, I have just written an email describing my feelings, it probably wont get read, or even if it does probably will not make much difference, but it made me feel better for a bit, and if the club gets a lot, something might happen, there is not a home game for 18 days, so if your as angry as me and cant wait till then to let the board know, how pi55ed of you are, use that!

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Yeah, Dan – I hurled a filth-sodden missive at that addy too, late last night I was so annoyed.

However, if all of you ‘really’ want to write to the board – which alas, will also probably get perused and summarily filed under ‘B’ by some spotty little Icelandic oik, then here’s the address for all of you.

The more letters the better.

Candidly though, I don’t feel, despite profound frustration, that any type of correspondence is going to do the trick.

We surely must realise by now, that the ONLY way to get these funkers to listen, is by affecting their pocket.

That, poignantly, means affecting the club too, which although I cannot advocate, I feel is the only route remaining for us ‘non-entity’, inconsequential fans to be heard.

Anyway, The Official Address (I’m sure you know most of it already) is :

West Ham United FC
Boleyn Ground
Green Street,
Upton ParkLondon,
E13 9AZ.

Yours

Fucking lividly, and couldn’t give a bollocks now even if we do belatedly sign Appiah.

The OLAS Poet Loriet

D.J.E

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