I’m finding it particularly hard these days actually finding some news to report; let’s face it McCabegate (aka Tevezgate – but it’s no longer about Tevez so will now formally be renamed to the person it actually seems to be all about) has kind of lost it’s charm somewhat. However, it hasn’t stopped some factions in the online ‘press’ coming up with some breaking transfer news, a couple of people arguing that Tomkins isn’t actually that good and there’s even been a comparison of Collison and Lampard. Poor guy, he’s nowhere near as fat.
Anyways, here’s my quick run down of how to write an article about West Ham in out current news recession…
1. Think of the first Italian club that springs to mind.
2. Pick any player that currently plays for them
3. Stick a price-tag of at least £10m on them
4. Call them a sensation
5. Include a YouTube video of greatest hits
6. Don’t use any quotes from anyone related to West Ham
7. Failing all that, claim that we are still relegation candidates and that Zola is going Chelski at the end of the year.
Here’s a template you can try out on your friends…
West Ham to sign Italian SENSATION – BREAKING NEWS
West Ham have been strongly linked with a club record bid for ……. year old, Italian wonderkid …………………… . West Ham’s technical director, Gianluca Nani, used to work as a ball boy at ………………………’s current club, ………………………………….. when he was 11 years old.
The East London club are currently considering a £………m bid for the player who only really broke onto the international scene last year whilst playing his trade for ……………. . He has since moved to ……………….. . Where he has been in quite good form. The Italian does have a reputation for attempting to con the ref via the means of simulation. However this shouldn’t bother West Ham as they are all cheats anyway.
Here’s a video of what the West Ham faithful could be witnessing next year:
It has been rumoured that Newcastle, Tottenham and Villa are all after the goal machine, which could spell the end for West Ham in their relegation and legal dogfight.
More of this as it happens
See, easy as that!
IRONS
Sam
If you actually would like to write an article about West Ham, or any other club infact, drop by FootballUnited.com who allow you to do just that!
A reasonable way is to work your way through the squad and invite discussion on the players’ merits. Cheers for the sideways reference regarding Tomkins and Collison. Look in on the Carlton Goals discussion! Thanks for linking to the streams – a brilliant service!!!!
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
You forgot to add :
The Hammers need a new centre forward because Dean Ashton is injured and out for the season
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Nothing like a bit of facetious irony, Sam.
I had a good chuckle at this.
I also concur with fanno1. The streaming has become indespensable. Well Done, mate.
D.J.E
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Cheers fellas, pleased you enjoy the streams!
Good to see you around OLAS
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
[...] first of all, after my post the other day about how to write a West Ham article, the following had better turn out to be true. But, I’m putting my neck on the line and [...]
Like or Dislike:
0 
0
Nice one Sam, I wrote a piece on this exact subject some time ago, but wasn’t close to this masterpiece. It’s spot on, unfortunately, and dims the view.
Like or Dislike:
0 
0